The Age of Optimism

                                     a short story by Cindy Hammel

KITCHEN– It looks like the Rebel Fridge Regime has finally gotten the message: if it continues to pursue their current BBQ Chicken Strategy, some serious basting may result. Indeed, there has been some volatile commentary amongst various states, predominantly from the Cheese Drawer. Considering how cheese tends to react under BBQ attack, this isn’t especially surprising.

Meanwhile the recent Coleslaw Tests combined with the Produce Bin’s timely rejection of the Cookie Compromise and conflict within the Pan-Condiment Ministry all suggest that the Fridge’s leadership is seriously divided over Sides.

At Today’s peacekeeping talks on the Cutting Board, the Five Food Groups and the United Tupperwares gave the Rebel Fridge Regime two weeks to halt aggression or face tougher sanctions despite the unprecedented Dairy mobilization.

Meanwhile, neighboring pantries fear the Fridge’s sensitive balance of power and believe the questionable BBQ Chicken Strategy is really an unfriendly mission to sauce the entire kitchen. The Fridge spokesman claims the regime’s motives are entirely peaceful, however it’s difficult to take a basting brush seriously.

After six hours of simmering talks, The Kitchen’s Inter-Culinary Policy Chief, Paring Knife told the press, “We’re hoping for a clear resolution. Offers of Pan-Kitchen-Trade and Savory Incentives are on the table. If all parties come to agreement, The BBQ Chicken Strategy will take a back burner. Otherwise the region may face an explosive grilling that could have saucy fallout to the far reaches of the fruit basket.” 

While the worst-case scenario is perhaps the Kitchen Sink’s worst fear, it wouldn’t be the end of the Kitchen. However, it would certainly create a tremendous mess that would require foreign aid from the Mop Closet.

“This, I believe, even the most saucy supporters of the BBQ Chicken Strategy would like to avoid,” concluded Knife before returning to the negotiations.

While perhaps a bit optimistic, other resolutions at the Cutting Board talks could potentially end both the Butter-Margarine conflicts and Black-Market Fungal Production as well. As usual, the Freezer remains neutral.